are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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