This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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