It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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