I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
