Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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