just come out here and I will go home with you...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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