What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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