weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
