And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
