So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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