Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
