i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
