please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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