just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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