no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
