Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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