Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
