This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
