rhymes with "ouble enetration"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
