Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
