Are we in a gay sports bar?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
