Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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