He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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