I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
