you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
