Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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