Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
