i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
