I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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