i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
