Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
