You can't motorboat a personality
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
