Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i came on her dog
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
