Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
