normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
