Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize