i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
