i may or may not be watching the land before time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
