There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
