your parents love me but you hate me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
