ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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