so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Couch. On fire.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize