remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Damn victory sex feels great
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
