Screwed.edu
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
