I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
