Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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