Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
