Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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