Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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