i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ok first of all what the fuck
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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