Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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