just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
