okay pat passed out under dana's car
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
