I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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