I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
