so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
