you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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