I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize