The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
