don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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