I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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