Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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