i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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