Swine flu. Run for my life!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize