i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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