the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
