Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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