Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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