I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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