Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
