if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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