You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
