I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
